Nylah Burton is a Chicago-based writer. Follow her on Twitter @yumcoconutmilk.
Shondaland Staff
Falling in love is great, but moving in or redecorating a place with the person you love? That can be like spilling a freshly opened can of paint.
When you’re merging lives in one shared space, it can often feel tense and a bit confusing. Should you put up curtains or blinds in the living room? What color do you paint the bedroom? How much do you want to spend on the dining room table? All those little decisions that were already stressful to make on your own must now be taken into account with another person.
Despite growing pains, sharing lives and spaces can ultimately be a very beautiful thing. Luckily, you can reduce stress and avoid conflict with these expert strategies. To get some tips for couples who are merging their spaces and lives, we spoke to Nicole Gibbons, an interior designer, TV personality, and the owner of Clare, a paint-company start-up that makes elegant design feel easy and accessible.
Agree on a budget
Money can be a huge issue in a relationship. You can mitigate that pitfall by sitting down before you move or start decorating and agreeing on a budget or a price range for individual items, as well as who will take responsibility for specific pieces. For instance, one person might be able to cover larger and more expensive pieces of furniture, while another person can be in charge of thrifting or looking for deals on decor and artwork.
Nicole Gibbons, interior designer and founder of Clare. (Courtesy of Nicole Gibbons)
Align the mood
When decorating together, it’s usually frustrating to start by focusing on individual elements like the color of the living room walls or the dining room chairs. Instead, first discuss how you want your shared space to feel. After agreeing on the mood of each room and your home as a whole, those specifics will fall more easily into place.
Gibbons suggests first engaging in some wordplay. She advises to figure out what adjectives describe your dream home, then create a Pinterest board together with separate collections for each room. That way, you can go through it and pull out common threads and vibes you both share.
“If you can both agree on a statement like ‘I want the bedroom to feel calm. I want the living room to look sophisticated. I want the kitchen to be bright and airy,’” Gibbons says, “you can use those moods as the guiding north star for how you think about all your choices.”
Clare features 55 curated hues. (Clare)
Hire an interior designer
Gibbons says that if couples have the means to do so, they might want to consider securing professional help with decorating their home. “An interior designer,” she says, “can help bridge both people’s wants and desires, melding them into something that would be very enjoyable,” she says. A former designer herself, she has particular insight into how partners can benefit from some outside assistance. “[Designers] sometimes end up being couples’ psychologists as well because decorating together can sometimes create conflict, especially if partners have very different tastes.”
Interior designers can be expensive, but if you’re on a budget, there are options for personalized guidance. One is by shopping at furniture stores like West Elm and Restoration Hardware that have in-house stylists who will guide you by looking at the layout of your home, listening to your needs and wants, then making suggestions about everything from what kind of furniture to use to what decorative pillows would look nice.
Another option Gibbons suggests are online design services like Havenly and Modsy, which have relatively low fees. At Clare, Gibbons says the Clare Color Genius tool helps shoppers figure out what color would look best in their space by answering a few questions about the type and size of room they’re painting, the level and direction of the sunlight, and the mood they desire. Then the tool suggests potential paint colors. One useful thing Gibbons says the tool shows you is how to find the perfect shade of white for your space, because they’re all so different.
Buy double-duty furniture
The type of furniture you pick can go a long way toward creating a more organized, harmonious, and streamlined space. “Making sure that you have enough storage is a problem that most people have whether they’re cohabiting or not,” Gibbons says. “Try being really thoughtful about storage so that you can have a function and a space for everything.” Some solutions include storage beds and ottomans as well as other furniture that serves multiple functions.
Get on the same page about existing items
You love your partner, but that doesn’t mean you feel the same way about their vintage 1990s pool table that they want in the middle of the living room. Combining lives and redecorating a shared space means listening to the other person’s reasons for wanting to keep sentimental items — as well as offering the reasons why they might want to start fresh.
Gibbons suggests taking an equal approach because “it’s important to respect the things that are important to the other person.” One of the best ways to do this is to find a dedicated space to display contested items in a secondary location of the home, not as a focal point.
“Let’s say someone’s partner has a favorite college football jersey,” Gibbons says. “Maybe in his own apartment, he had it in his living room behind the sofa. You probably don’t want that in the same space in your new home together, but perhaps there is a corner of the home — maybe his home office space — where that could live.” If your home is too small for that, try decorating around items you don’t like. A few throw pillows you prefer might make the jersey less noticeable.
Have fun together
Starting this chapter of your life together should be a sweet and fun experience. While there are bound to be moments of stress, make sure the experience is as enjoyable as possible. There’s not just one way to have fun while decorating or moving into a new place. It depends on what you both enjoy as a couple. For instance, if you both love to travel, visit local shops during trips and bring home those special memories. Framing and hanging pictures from your journeys is another good tactic.
If you’re a crafty couple, consider participating in a DIY project together, like taking old pieces of furniture and sprucing them up with new paint, handles, or pulls. The Instagram account IKEA Hack is a prime place to find great ideas on how to upgrade your IKEA favorites and turn them into stunning and unique pieces.