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In a travel lounge or restaurant, what is the etiquette (of an offended party) if someone nearby is speaking really loudly, either into a phone or to others? — Daryl G., Arcata, California
Ah, the yapper. They’re found thriving in public spaces, such as an airport bathroom or the boarding line at your gate. Not an invasive species, but a dominant member of the travel ecosystem.
Yes, hearing someone bark orders on a work call while you’re stuck together in the jet bridge is hugely annoying. That doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a problem to fix.
“Being an adult out there, living in this world, we are not entitled to always be comfortable,” said Nick Leighton, co-host of the etiquette podcast “Were You Raised By Wolves?” “Nobody says that it has to be pleasant for you all the time.”
Before you invite conflict, Leighton suggests asking yourself whether you can find a solution on your own. Can you move seats to get out of earshot? Or put on noise-canceling headphones and crank up the volume on a gripping audiobook?
That being said, we all have our limits.
If the yapping is truly intolerable, the etiquette experts I interviewed said it’s aboveboard to step in — particularly if you’re in a space where loud talking is actually against the rules, such as a train quiet car or an airport lounge.
“I love starting with a very well-timed glance,” Leighton said.
The key is delivering a look that is nonjudgmental. Think happy and empathetic, not scowling and critical.
“It has to be very value-neutral,” Leighton said. “This is a very tricky needle to thread.”
Lisa Richey, founder of the American Academy of Etiquette, also says her first move is to try body language.
“Don’t put your index finger up saying, ‘Shush,’” she said. Instead, “look at them, make eye contact, smile.”
That alone can do the trick.
“Just quickly making eye contact can make the other person realize like, ‘Wow, I’m getting really loud right now,’ because sometimes people don’t realize what they’re doing,” said Alison Cheperdak, founder of Elevate Etiquette in D.C.
If the yapper does not snap out of their gab fest and quiet down, you can speak up. Leighton suggests being “polite yet direct.” You can try saying something like: “I’m sorry to interrupt. Would it be possible to lower your voice a bit?”
You can also hide behind a white lie (or maybe it’s the truth!) and “blame it on the room,” Richey said. “You know: ‘Ah, the acoustics in here; it’s really loud. ... Would you mind lowering your voice?’”
Leighton says this is a one-time request. If the traveler doesn’t oblige, don’t escalate the situation. “The goal is to get them to stop and to not create drama,” he said. “Just drop it.”
Another route is to outsource the job. You can mention the issue to a flight attendant, your train conductor or the staff at the airport lounge customer service desk, and hope they address it for you.
This is the move if you’re concerned the traveler might react aggressively; however, “most people will be very accommodating and perhaps embarrassed if you bring it up to them,” Cheperdak said.
Last and definitely the least recommended, Leighton admits that he loves a passive-aggressive approach that he learned from a podcast listener, “which is not etiquette-approved.”
“Pretend to take a phone call, and, in that phone call, you say: ‘So sorry. I’m in a quiet place where I can’t be talking right now. We’re disturbing others. Could you text me instead? I would hate to disturb the people around me.’”