Hannah Minn
The Middlesex County Office of Health Services in New Jersey hosted a free online seminar on overcoming compassion fatigue in 2021. It invited first responders and frontline workers to sign up to hear about ways to cope with burnout after a year and a half of caring for others in the face of a pandemic — and to learn about how any reduction in empathy that they may be feeling is completely normal. And you don’t have to be a healthcare worker to be undergoing these effects.
Between a global pandemic and a news cycle continuously laden with stories of injustice, political division, and natural disasters, we’re all feeling exhausted. Parents are still trying to juggle work with childcare, people are continuously worrying about family members contracting Covid, especially with new variants circulating the globe, and caretakers are tending to sick patients, and all the while trying to make time for their own self-care. No matter what your situation is, you’re likely experiencing some form of apathy.
“Since the pandemic, individuals are coping with so many different forms of stress that might be activating a compassionate part of them that they might not understand, which results in them feeling drained, overwhelmed, and depleted,” says Hillary Schoninger, a licensed clinical social worker in Chicago. Eventually, your ability to feel compassionate starts to wane. This is known as compassion fatigue, which clinical psychologist Brian Wind, the chief clinical officer of JourneyPure, a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center, describes as “a decrease in the ability of a person to empathize due to physical and mental exhaustion.”
Ray Sadoun, a London-based mental health and addiction-recovery specialist with OK Rehab, has been noticing a surge in compassion fatigue since the start of the pandemic. “Whether we watch the news religiously or not, we cannot escape hearing about...[devastation] on those around us,” he explains. This, Sadoun adds, leads to us experiencing a lower level of empathy, as our brains cannot cope with the overwhelming amount of bad news.
What compassion fatigue looks like
Compassion fatigue can show up differently for everyone, but Cathleen Elle, a loss and grief expert in Charlotte, North Carolina, says to be on the lookout for the following symptoms:
- Apathy or indifference to even the most pleasurable parts of life
- Mental and/or physical exhaustion or overwhelm
- Insomnia
- Difficulty concentrating
- Headaches
- Loss of appetite
- A desire to isolate
- A low sense of self-worth
- A shortened temper
- A feeling of aimlessness
Additional signs, per Sadoun, may include avoiding all forms of media, having frequent anxiety or panic attacks, and feeling distant from friends and family. If you are experiencing any combination of these reactions, you may be suffering from compassion fatigue. “However, you should always consult with your own healthcare provider for an exact diagnosis of any emerging physical or mental wellness concern,” says Elle.
While it may be human nature to feel guilty about not feeling as sad as you think you should about another person’s situation, this is nothing to beat yourself up about. But compassion fatigue can be a sign that you’re not taking care of your own mental and physical health and that you are headed for some form of burnout. So it’s important to recognize when it may be occurring and to take some steps to work through it. Here are some expert-backed tips on how to work through compassion fatigue.
Know that it’s normal
It is common to feel guilty for having compassion fatigue and to even wonder if you have lost all ability to feel empathy. But Sadoun explains that compassion fatigue is typically a short-term problem that does not indicate that you are a bad person. “If we had a breakdown every time we heard bad news regarding Covid, we couldn’t function, and so our brains use compassion fatigue as a coping mechanism,” he says.
It’s also okay to say no
“As guilt-ridden as it feels to admit, constantly helping others can really start to hurt yourself,” explains Helena Plater-Zyberk, a cofounder and the CEO of the anonymous peer-support network Supportiv. She explains that when you’ve overextended yourself by listening, donating time or resources, or showing up for others, you may find yourself drained of energy or even growing cynical. “Your compassion has become fatigued, and that’s okay to admit,” she says. So, while you want to be there for everyone all of the time, it’s important to realize when you need to pull back to tend to your own personal needs.
There’s a delicate balance between tending to your needs and someone else’s. (Craig Hall/Eyeeem/Getty Images)
You can be there for someone, but also take a break
Plater-Zyberk says the most important factor in combating compassion fatigue is creating a balance between your attention to others’ needs and your own. She suggests looking for ways to clear your mind, perhaps meditatively, and for physical distractions from any lingering rumination over others’ struggles. “Providing help and compassion shouldn’t mean assuming another’s problems as your own,” Plater-Zyberk explains. “You don’t have to be there 24-7. Give the other person some space, and while doing so, give their struggles some space too.”
Know that it’s not just due to the pandemic
While people may be noticing compassion fatigue more than ever these days, it’s something that can exist in settings beyond a pandemic. “Anyone who is a full-time caretaker, nurse, or someone who has always been there for a friend or family member who is going through something difficult can experience compassion fatigue,” says Wind.
Realize that it’s okay to put your own needs first
Whitney Lauritsen, a well-being coach and cohost of the This Might Get Uncomfortable podcast, says that it’s important to learn to have compassion for yourself before extending it to others. “Otherwise, you’ll burn yourself out while supporting others, become fatigued, and the cycle continues without resolution.” Adam Jablin, a certified life coach in Delray Beach, Florida, says, “Remember when on an airplane, you put the mask on yourself first before your children? It sounds counterintuitive and selfish — but, if you pass out, the children will be in big trouble. It’s a great synonym for life. Take care of yourself before others!”
Don’t forget your own self-care
“When overwhelmed by our circumstances, particularly when they involve the well-being of a loved one, we often feel that we have no time to tend to our own needs,” says Elle. She recommends squeezing in something that will nurture you every day, whether that’s taking time out to meditate, cooking a healthy meal, or spending time with friends. Even something as simple as a brief daily walk outside is a step in a positive direction. “As we build these practices into our routines, we also begin to develop a sense of clarity and awareness about ourselves that will guide us and help us to remain grounded through the most difficult of experiences,” Elle explains.
It’s important to take time for yourself. (Volanthevist/Getty Images)
Set healthy boundaries with media
“With today’s 24-7 global news cycle and the artificial connectedness generated by our increasingly digital world, we are constantly bombarded by information and vicarious experiences that we feel should affect us on an emotional level, but from which we are often too physically removed to relate,” explains Elle. But focusing on nurturing healthy connections with the people who are actually within our personal and professional circles can help us to avoid being caught up in what she refers to as “situations that are not ours to tackle” so that we can better attend to those that are.
And slow down on the doomscrolling, as it can also increase our exposure to bad news. “This can take a toll on our physical and emotional health as we feel an immense amount of pain and suffering,” Wind says. And ultimately it can worsen the compassion fatigue that we are feeling.
Journal your feelings
“You may need to come to an acceptance that we don’t have control over the pain and suffering in the world, and be compassionate with yourself,” says Wind. He recommends journaling regularly to help you understand your thoughts and feelings and release them from your mind. “End off by writing three things you are grateful for that day,” says Wind. “That can help you to see the good things that exist in the world amidst the suffering you might hear about every day.”
Vent responsibly
It’s common to feel the need to vent through social media and private conversations, but Lauritsen says this needs to be done mindfully to avoid overwhelming the person on the other side. Everyone is likely feeling some form of compassion fatigue in this day and age, and it’s important to be conscious of that. “This is especially important if what you’re sharing includes visual imagery or detailed information that triggers empathy,” she explains.
Talk it out with a therapist
“Speaking to a therapist will help you to understand why you are experiencing compassion fatigue and what you can do about it,” says Sadoun. A therapist, he says, may help you find new ways to process your emotions surrounding the pandemic. “Alternatively, your therapist may advise you to keep busy with a new hobby, as this will reduce feelings of depression and anxiety,” Sadoun explains.
Nicole is a freelance writer published in The New York Times, AARP, Woman’s Day, Parade, Men’s Journal, Wired, Emmy Magazine, and more. Keep up with her adventures on Twitter at @nicolepajer.