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Some might treat finding a parenting style like joining a club, that's not really the case. You don't have to choose just one and adhere to all its principles, forsaking all others. There's no one "right" parenting style that works for all families, and it's likely that no family follows one parenting style 100% of the time. It's mostly about finding what works for how your family operates, what you choose to prioritize and what your values are.
That said, there have been studies over the years on different parenting styles, and how they affect kids in the long term. Many of these were first studied and described in 1971 by psychologist Diana Baumrind, who observed preschoolers and found there were three types of parents: authoritative, authoritarian and permissive. (A fourth style, neglectful parenting, was added to address severely uninvolved parents.)
Since then, though, others have come along and carved out their own parenting styles that have developed big followings. These include attachment parenting, which starts from birth; gentle parenting, which responds to tantrums with empathy and free-range parenting, for older kids looking for more independence. Then there are parenting styles that are coined by media, rather than adherents, and are to be avoided, like helicopter parenting and lawnmower parenting.
These are eight common types of parenting styles, along with what research has to say about the pros and cons of each one. Find the ones that feel right (and avoid the ones that sound wrong) and tweak them to your specific family.
Gentle Parenting
A parenting style that requires a lot of empathy.
- Gentle parenting is a parenting style known for compassion, respect and trust.
- Parents, who are not considered figures of authority, are charged with managing kids' emotions through empathy.
- Gentle parenting has great results, but also takes a lot of effort.
- RIE parenting has similar values, but is a very specific program.
A parenting style that's received a lot of media attention recently, gentle parenting is not one of the four styles observed by Dr. Baumrind. In gentle parenting, the goal is to develop a strong parent-child bond and a relationship filled with trust. As a result, parents are seen more like collaborators instead of figures of authority, and parents are encouraged to empathize with their kids' feelings. That strong bond, "helps improve kids' social skills and self-esteem, and shows them how to interact with others in effective ways based on their parents' modeling of that behavior,” says Tasha Brown, licensed psychologist and parenting consultant. But this parenting style also involves a lot of work. “You can empathize from sun-up to sun-down, which is very draining for parents, and your toddler is still gonna have a tantrum," says Emily Edlynn, a clinical psychologist and author of the upcoming Autonomy-Supportive Parenting. Gentle parenting also has a lot in common with RIE parenting (short for "Resources for Infant Educarers,” pronounced "rye"), but that is a more specific parenting method started by Magda Gerber and popularized by Janet Lansbury.
Authoritative Parenting
A highly involved style that has great results for kids.
- These parents set high standards for their kids, but also give them lots of guidance to help achieve those standards.
- Parents are likely to use techniques like positive discipline instead of strict, my-way-or-the-higway rules.
- Studies show that kids raised in this way often do well socially and academically.
The most successful of the parenting styles identified by Dr. Baumrind, authoritative parenting is characterized by "high demands" but also "high responsiveness." That means parents have big (but still age-appropriate) expectations for their kids, and they stay attuned to their kids' needs and help them meet those expectations. This way, kids know what's required of them and feel confident they can comply. As a result, "Research consistently demonstrates that the children of authoritative parents are more likely to enjoy positive relationships with their peers, to do well in school, and to become independent and self-sufficient than children whose parents take an authoritarian, permissive, or neglectful approach," says Lisa Damour, Ph.D., author of The Emotional Lives of Teenagers.
Permissive Parenting
Staying out of kids' way does not help them figure things out on their own.
- Permissive parents do not enforce rules for their kids. The stereotypical permissive parents are the ones who see themselves as their children's friend, and not a figure of authority.
- Kids of permissive parents are more likely to do poorly in school, and there are poor social and emotional consequences as well.
- Permissive parents are not the same thing as neglectful parents. Permissive parents are still loving and responsive to their children's needs. Like permissive parents, neglectful parents provide no structure or rules — but they're also totally uninvolved in other aspects of the child's life. Permissive parents are involved, but not in a traditional way.
"Permissive parents have a hard time setting limits with their children," says Laura Markham, Ph.D., author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids. "Therefore, parents are more likely to ignore bad behavior, and to 'give in' against their better judgment when their child gets upset. The result is that they don't set or enforce age-appropriate expectations for behavior." It may seem like this type of parenting style could foster independence, since children likely have to learn for themselves without the guidance of their parents. But studies show the opposite is true, and kids of permissive parents are more likely to show signs of anxiety and depression, be aggressive, have bad social skills and do poorly in school.
Permissive parents are still warm and loving around their children. Neglectful parents shirk rules, but also are uninterested in their children's lives. The outcome for these children are often very bad. Children "internalize the pain and loneliness," Psychology Today reports. "Adults who were neglected can have symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder and significant trauma to resolve. If there was a lack of emotional attachment in childhood, this also affects relationships later in life and can make it difficult to trust others."
Authoritarian Parenting
Strict rules are hard to follow if you don't offer any guidance.
- Like authoritative parenting, authoritarian parents have high expectations, but authoritative parents are less nurturing.
- Authoritarian parents are also more likely to resort to harsh punishments.
- Studies show authoritarian parenting can lead to behavior problems.
The last of Dr. Baumrind's parenting styles, authoritarian parenting, can be characterized by both "high demands" and "low responsiveness." This means these parents focus on strict rules and harsh discipline. "Authoritarian parents believe that children are, by nature, strong-willed and self-indulgent," Psychology Today notes. "They value obedience to higher authority as a virtue unto itself. Authoritarian parents see their primary job to be bending the will of the child to that of authority." However, the lack of the guidance offered by authoritarian parents takes a toll. "The children of authoritarian parents, however, tend to be somewhat more depressed and have lower self-esteem than those of authoritative parents," Psychology Today writes. There are also studies that show these kids are more likely to become bullies, too.
An opposite discipline method, known as positive discipline — where parents clearly communicate which behaviors are appropriate, which ones are inappropriate, and what the rewards for good behavior and the consequences for bad behavior are — is seen as motivating and effective for kids. "Early research has shown that children do better when they perceive both firmness and kindness from their parents," says Debbie Zeichner, LCSW.
Attachment Parenting
Closeness fosters a strong family connection.
Attachment Parenting International (API) has identified eight principles, or parenting practices, that it believes will help the child develop secure bonds between children and their parents:
- Preparing for pregnancy, birth and parenthood
- Feeding with love and respect
- Responding with sensitivity (especially when a parent hears the baby cry)
- Using nurturing touch and physical contact (including baby-wearing)
- Ensuring safe sleep, physically and emotionally
- Providing consistent love and care
- Practicing positive discipline
- Striving for balance between personal and family life
This parenting style was popularized by Bill Sears, M.D., and his wife Martha Sears, R.N. Dr. Sears, who found benefits of a close bond between parents and babies. They claim that babies of attachment parents cry less and have fewer behavior problems, freeing up more time to grow, learn, and develop. However, some experts believe the same results can be achieved without adhering so strictly to API's principles. "A large body of research has shown over many decades that most parents — 70% to 80% of them — are forming secure attachments with their children, regardless of factors like breastfeeding or baby-wearing," says Dr. Edlynn.
Free-Range Parenting
Encourage independence, so long as you follow the law.
- Free-range parenting encourages kids to become independent by letting them have greater autonomy and less supervision in other areas of life.
- It is different from permissive parenting, because rules and expectations are still enforced in general.
- Free-range parents have to be aware of the laws that govern their state.
The term "free-range parenting" was coined by Lenore Skenazy, who famously let her 9-year-old son find his way home on the New York City subway system alone. The important thing here is that, like in the Skenazy family's mass-transit outing, greater autonomy is allowed in certain situations — it's not a total abdication of oversight. "Free-range parenting emphasizes the child’s functioning independently with judicious parental supervision," says says Dr. Kyle Pruett, M.D., Clinical Professor of Child Psychiatry at Yale School of Medicine and member of the Educational Advisory Board at the Goddard School. "It permits enough exploration for kids to come up against limits naturally." In that way, it is closer to authoritative parenting than permissive parenting, since parents help guide their children through their independent experiences (like sitting down beforehand talking about what to do if the subway system becomes too confusing, in Skenazy's case). One big caveat for free-range parents, though, is that states have widely different laws and statutes about the ages kids have to be before they're allowed to be unsupervised, at home or in a car. The website FreeRangeKids.com, founded by Skenazy, helps keep track of these laws.
Panda Parenting
This style is focused on the skills kids need to grow into successful adults.
- Like authoritative parenting an free-range parenting, this style is focused on fostering a sense of independence.
- Its name is inspired by pandas, which seem to take a very hands-off approach to parenting, though it requires more of parents than the name suggests.
- Studies show that this style does lead to positive outcomes.
Though she didn't invent it, the term "panda parenting" was popularized by Esther Wojcicki — mother to Susan Wojcicki, former CEO of YouTube (now deceased), and Anne Wojcicki, founder of 23andMe — in her book How to Raise Successful People: Simple Lessons for Radical Results. The matriarch says that the key to this parenting style lies in the acronym TRICK, which stands for Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration and Kindness. "The focus is on teaching children how to make thoughtful choices rather than imposing obedience through strict rules," says Petal Modeste, parenting expert and host of Parenting for the Future podcast. "Panda parents set clear, firm boundaries while allowing children to experience the natural consequences of their actions.
The good news is, it works. "By allowing kids to navigate challenges on their own — while knowing they have a safe, supportive parent to turn to — they learn resilience and decision-making skills that will serve them for life," Modest says. "This approach also strengthens the parent-child bond because communication is built on trust and mutual respect rather than control. Children raised with this method often develop strong emotional intelligence, creativity and the ability to advocate for themselves."
Where panda parenting can be criticized, though, is that these ideas aren't exactly new. It's a little authoritative parenting, a little free-range and a little autonomy-supportive parenting repackaged together with a catchy name.
Helicopter Parenting/Lawnmower Parenting
These over-involved styles don't give kids a chance to learn problem-solving skills.
- In helicopter parenting, and later lawnmower of bulldozer parenting, parents swoop in to solve kids' problems before they have a chance to feel any pain or discomfort.
- Kids of helicopter and lawnmower parents turn out to be less resilient than peers who have had a lifetime of practice getting over obstacles.
- Lawnmower parents have also been called bulldozer parents or snowplow parents.
Helicopter parenting and lawnmower parenting are different from the other parenting styles in that no one specifically aspires to be one; there are probably more books and articles about not to be one.
The term "helicopter parent" was coined in 1990 to describe the type of parent who "hovers" over their kids, ready to send out the rescue team the minute that trouble rears its ugly head. Child development researchers Foster Cline and Jim Fay, who came up with the term, say that in the years since, the problem has only gotten worse, and now we have "jet-powered, turbo-attack mode' of helicopter parents" — also know as the lawnmower parents. These adults don't even give their kids the chance to fail. They're out there removing any obstacles from their kids' ways before the kids experience any struggles or discomfort. (A recent example of this is all the celebrities who used dishonest means to get their kids into college.)
The problem is that kids of these over-involved parents never get a chance to flex their problem-solving muscles on their own. "Kids who rarely or never have to face significant challenges, experience the sting of failure, or navigate a bumpy journey are likely to become less resilient, less confident, and more anxious," says Carla Naumburg, Ph.D., a clinical social worker and the author of How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids.
Marisa (she/her) has covered all things parenting, from the postpartum period through the empty nest, for Good Housekeeping since 2018; previously, she wrote about parents and families at Parents and Working Mother. She lives with her toy-collecting husband and daughter in Brooklyn, where she can be found helping out her team at bar trivia or posting about movies on Twitter and Bluesky.